The year it was!-2013!

The year 2013 has a bad image of the number '13' and just like me, my fate does not believe in it. The dynamic year - A mechanical engineer can safely label. Dynamic is all about motion, changes in motion. It made me struggle as if I am facing a life threat, but it also gave me my 'Life'!

Friendship - Singapore!
Almost five months of this year went in earning myself a master's degree in this world of Singapore! The world which I miss just because it has my friends. A group of people who managed me and I managed (a little, agree!)  them during the tenure. Friends forever- the famous term makes sense now. Tea chit chats to dinner and post dinner chats, walking out side at midnight or going places where I would dream of being together with a group of friends, a mental shoulder to cry on or a lecture by them when I do silly things to my emotional state of mind. Everything, I owe everything to the friendship.

Convocation!
Where my parents came and felt proud about what I achieved. Where I stood giggling in the line to get the degree near the stage and the unusual pronunciation of my name did not let people understand when I reached and got converted into a post graduate professional.

Pre-engagement!
I can highlight this moment as the biggest event of my life, when I was fed 'gud-dhana' by the mother of Mr.ISB and my mother did the same to him. Of course the absence of any other elderly person than our parents made sure that the event gets over in two minutes. Also note, we forgot to get both of us clicked together for the biggest event of our lives!

New job!
My decision to come back to India, was not liked by many and I had my own reasons. After a long struggle I managed to get a job while I had almost became a zombie in my mind. Kudos to my parents, my brother, my would be parents and Mr.ISB of course, to stop me from becoming an ape. The new job came with new friends, new experiences, new city and a fresh busy me.

2013 flew, sometimes it just stopped for months. The year it was. Totally Dynamic.

Uncertainties and life!

They are synonyms , at least for me. Apart from the guy I am going to marry and the goal to reduce weight in next five months, I guess are the only certain things I have in my life. The later needs hard work as well to take shape.

Right from shifting houses fore more than four times in a year ( I ignore past four years for my better state of mind today!), confusions and loyalties coming in between, weekend trips in pipe line, the really long shopping list my both mothers have made which makes me as a bride compulsory to participate, managing cash flow for rent, deposit, daily expenditure, shifting houses and shopping for wedding - These all are contributors of the Maha-confused state of mind of mine.

I am the person who likes to make a plan for daily chores I have to do. I need to have a plan. That is it. If things go twenty from nineteen , I can manage but if things don't take place in my virtual world for planning there is a disturbance in my mind. I loose track of things for a while and with that I loose sleep too.

Learning to say No to people, specially if they are your own people or you have given a word and situation change, it becomes really tough for me to explain or even state the 'NO' I want to say. I get anxiety attacks for small things like even how to say No to that shopkeeper who has shown me a good dress. Attacks may vary in altitudes and frequency with the root cause but it definitely makes me sleep less than I should. Whatever it may be.

In the new year resolution , if this one thing I really need to learn is to say No. Say No in the way people get convinced. It is an art and many people don't have it.

How do you say NO? Is it tough for you? Or I am the only sample piece like this. 

It was his birthday!

PS: After a lot of hard work, emotional-mental and physical I am trying to write this post, Awesome memories are the secret of my energy. Okay?

So, It was my Mr.ISB's birthday and I had declared a company conference in Chennai a long before. As close as two months? With each passing day I tried to show some guilt for not being there on his birthday. The plan was rolled out with the help of other two three his (and now mine!) friends at ISB. If I will describe how many friends of him, without meeting me, blessed us with great love care and friendship, I might need a separate post. So, as we all had planned I flew to Hyderabad on the pre-evening of the day.

Spending two hours before 12 at night, I met all his friends who had come to meet me where I had put up. As per plans, we all went to his hostel which is suppose to be one of the Student's Village where one of his friends handed over a card to him which said I am there to meet him, while I was far away behind a car waiting for his friend's green signal.

As I saw one of his friends waving his hand with a huge smile, I came out and saw his eyes searching for me and trying to manage his college mates around twenty in numbers who all wanted to wish him. He was giving thousand watt smile! I think the smile said it all, brain said he knew I would come!! *I am not sure how to react to this , even now!*

The night and the other two days spent in a birthday treat, ISB campus walks, tons of talks which were pending from my side and tons of care he could not show on call, chatting and leg pulling sessions with friends. His group mates with whom he had to submit assignments and presentations managed for the day and let him spend time with me- which I feel was the most beautiful gift to him and me as well. I got attached to the place and his friends just in two days.

I bet, if I would have thought even ten minutes than what I could, I would have postponed my return journey for two more days. With great memory, happiness and tons of tears I had to say bye to him.

Honestly I had thought of writing a really really really long post but I just realized I can not translate these expressions into words. Just cant.

So, Mr. ISB if you are reading this, let me tell you following things.

1. You are a messy person with great love for me. I ignore the first part.
2. You are over practical , that is what I used to think. I now think you are just practical and not over- practical.
3. You are the best life partner I can have as you handle all aspects of my personality with success. I give 10/10!
4.Above three points hold no worth in front of what I feel for you. Love, care, respect and friendship!

That is it for the post. I think I have traveled too deep inside the well of emotions.

Random Introspection of a rebellious, feminist soul!

Then I was this girl who was rebellious like that spark which can ignite the jungle fire. I believed in gender equality to the core. No, I did not believe in quota reservations for women or even anything close to it.

I believed Saree is graceful but not too comfortable as an every day attire (every time) than Salwar Kameez. I thought a pair of jeans can do the justice to even a month long trip with all fashion you can think of flaunting. I believed even guys should learn light cooking, they should help their mothers, sisters and wives if females of the house are working. In fact even if they are not, there is no harm in helping them sometimes.

I believed any big decision in the family should be taken in mutual agreement with members of  the family irrespective of their gender. I was also firm about rights of members of the family regarding clothing, expenditure and other personal things-which should be the same for both genders.

Rules should be made, but for both members with limits. It should not suppress the growth or happiness of one specific gender.

Now I am a different person, I have got lots of faith in all above ideas of my mind-heart.I feel how fortunate I was that, I argued with every single person who opposed me, who got offended by my free thinking and labelled me as a feminist. In fact I also believe I am a feminist in the true sense. A lady with the cotton or Khadi kurta/ saree , struggling or fighting with a few persons in the court for some rights is not a feminist. She can be but it doesn't define what feminism is. The true feminism is believing in gender equality.

A day before I had put a question in front of some random people,  if any one can tell me what all fun, unique and creative things a would be bride can plan apart from pre-wedding girls night out ideas.Some guys advised me to learn cooking, one of them asked  me to take tips from elders on 'How to make my in laws happy'! None of the girls said that. None. Honestly I wanted to punch these guys on the face.

My thinking is too different and some day I feel I am going to be too harsh on my would be's ideology if at all it evolves in another direction  than me. I should also mention, his thoughts are almost of my frequency and he believes in Gender equality too seriously. ( I need to write a separate post on this!) So the clash rate can be less than expected by me!

The biggest improvement I need in my thinking is - In fact stopping thinking about 'what people will say if I will follow my theory'! I see no progress in that direction for a few years at least!

At the end I feel proud of my self, that I  managed to strive through all conservative theories and never gave up on my thinking.I feel even more proud of my self for selecting a life partner who never enforces a single decision on me. Touchwood. *Thank you God*

 (I am pretty sure most of the readers will think I am the one who never adjusts.)

7th December - The special day!

Disclaimer: Please ignore grammatical very big grammatical mistakes. I am not that great in story telling as well.

Today, is a special day. It is the 27th wedding anniversary of my parents. They are attending some one else's marriage today. Okay, that is the different story that I never liked them enjoying the whole day even with us. I always wanted them to enjoy alone, it never happened once I was born. I think so.

Since a few months, I am listening quiet a few stories about their marriage from different resources. I just love these stories, more than my soon-to-happen wedding story. Seriously. Either my resources are great story tellers or I just love listening about my parents.

As one of my cousin Masis who called my mom to congratulate on my engagement, she asked the first thing to my mom, "What was Bubblegum doing when Mr. ISB and his parents met you people for the first time?", before the sentence completes, both started laughing to my amusement. Later on I was told that, when my dad and his cousin- cousin's husband came to see my mother, she was not too happy about seeing a guy. As she had no questions to ask in that mood, she just sat in the corner couch after being introduced and started reading a book with her thick framed spectacles. Yes, my mom dad never talked!

Once my dad and his relatives left, my Bua asked my dad if he liked my mom. He said, "well what can I say" and the confused statement was taken as "Yes"! On the other side, my mom's cousins and siblings were busy teasing her for the stupid action of hers and her anger. My mom particularly the most rebellious kid of the family wanted to study further and my Nanaji was not too happy about it. It was his plan to just let her see my dad. He had also asked my mom to not to wear her spectacles which can affect her beauty and that is what exactly she did. She never removed her spectacles! When the call stating my father's "Yes" came, the ball was in my mother's court. She actually with anger and no mood said "Yes". She says, she never regretted for the answer afterwards!

In fact my cousins ( kids of my Bua who accompanied my dad while meeting my mom for the first time) says, my mom looked so so so beautiful that they thought, average looking mama of them forced my mother to say Yes! In fact the son of my bua who was around fourteen at that time says, my mom was my first crush! Really. He says he used to love to be around my mom more than his strict Mama!

Some of my paternal relatives says, my mother being the most beautiful daughter in law of the family also had to face comments of people about her probable snobby nature which never came in between their relations. I feel so proud of my mom when all my buas praise her from their hearts.

About my father, well he is the second father to my youngest Masi. I lost my Nanaji before my birth when my youngest masi was in 4th Standard. Even today, my father says Bubblegum is my second daughter. Not only that, my youngest masi was my Dadima's favourite. I had confusions in my mind when I was young, if she is my masi, my bua or my elder sister! My father managed my mother's all siblings and my Nani all his life with affection and care just like his own family. Today when I see him at the peak of his career, with gray hairs or say almost no hair- I feel proud.

Wishing them on this special day is just a formal way of celebrating their anniversary. I want to benchmark the way they lived with dignity, love, affection and responsibilities. Hope I reach the mark some day.

Stories about my parents, their wedding have been special to me always. Stories about my relatives, by relatives have been special to me. If I am not wrong, that is why I was 'loved at first conversation' by Mr.ISB where I talked only about my family.

Titbits this December!

I had decided a day back to blog today. It was planned unlike catering to my sudden rush to express over here. Life is moving faster than I had thought of. Life is in a metamorphosis stage, I am enjoying it with a pinch of anxiety, nervousness and panice hours some times.

As I always say, I am blessed with good people around me, I must say I am super lucky in Pune. I am slowly getting attached. I am always planning something or the other thing with some one or the other. The sentence can actually show my enthusiasm. The other reason of the joyful time of my life is I am mostly at peace with myself. And with Mr.ISB, both sets of parents. Credits to them.

New happening changes slowly gripping my heart and life both. I am cooking almost on daily basis. Alone. I am not a great cook but I manage to make dishes 'tasty'. I must say mothers are the most hard working and selfless person now. Till the age of 25 I never realised what is it to devote an entire life to the family and loving them the most in the world.

I have my own doubts about getting into the 'married now' mode. Months are left for me to get into it, but I am already feeling low when I think how am I going to manage job, hourse hold, relations and that too not affecting my own love for life. Of course, once I will dive, I am going to learn swimming, but these blues are not a surprise for soon-to-be-brides. Isnt it?

About my work, it has been more than a month I joined this company. I am in love with the people and the work as of now. I enjoy their company and the way they work. I like the way I am treated by my team mates turned into friends and my manager turned into my mentor. The profile demands time, dedication and hundred other skills, but then the life is all about learning and hard work.

About me. Well, I am finding ways to pamper myself after the day. Be it working out, dancing, reading or just relaxing. It can also include in a nice foot rub by myself. Simple joys of life? 

Randomness prevails!

I am sure people who read my blog knows that randomness flows through my blood. If I come up with random points on the blog, either I am too busy in too many things or I am locked in a usual rhythm of life.This time I have a flavor of both. In fact I am going to put any idiotic stupid or even intelligent thought of mine , coming in my mind. in this post. Let me start.

• Uncertainty about houses to shift is in my destiny since 2009 , right from the day I stepped out of my city to make my career. I changed seven places in Mumbai and inter city transfers were four. In a year I shifted two times in Singapore alone. In Pune, I had two roofs before I shifted to this lovely place. I am seeing two more shifting in next six months. I pity myself. Attachment with places is a different problem but shifting and reloading a place to make it your own is emotionally, monetarily and physically trying. In fact convincing everyone for a single place is challenging if specially you are a girl's gang. About room mates, well I need a separate post. As of now in a month's time, we need to fix a place and I am not able to decide on a roof or roof-mates!
• Cold. I have developed some allergies from some food or cold or something related to Pune air.Which holds my throat and scratches it some much that without cold medicine I refuse to sleep. Sneezing is less but soar throat or leaking nose exactly dont support. Hope to adjust to this new city even now. 
• Money. I am such a poor soul managing the cash flow. I am stating this before getting one full salary in my account. Still. I am not able to control my daily expenditure. No, luxury is not what I want. May be expenses have gone high. The biggest problem is to save something for my wedding expenses, as little a few thousands which is impossible in this city after paying hefty money to auto people. Rent and food again need a huge amount of money. Hope I might find a way to earn some extra money by just blogging :D I know readers are laughing. No, I am not going to monetize this blog.
• People around me. I loving all of them. I never knew I will adjust with them so quickly. Of course I miss my friends and family. I miss Mr.ISB but then hey, that is life is all about. Wait till you get them!
• I have to solve the biggest problem for a life. How to keep awake when you are on cold medicine or you are messed up with a boring task. The coffee and tea provided by our dear office boy is sweeter than the sugar. When I go home ginger tea is the first thing I make. I am sure I will find a way to get rid of either sleepy mood in the office or the cold medicine. 
• I am slowly giving up on my reading, dancing and music. Blogging is still on to some extent. I am really sad for this but then I hardly find time to actually get into, if I find I run out of resources. Speakers , songs or books. Nothing can actually attract me now as they used to.
• Weekends. Since four weekends I am travelling. This weekend I am travelling to Ahmedabad and I wish next two weekends I get to relax. I am torturing myself now by travelling too much. 
• No post now I can wrap up without talking about my wedding. Plans are being laid out and I am clueless how to involve. Of course when people talk about shopping I have something to say but their over whelming approach scares me to death. I wish I can just elope and appear on the wedding day.

The cold play

I have been dealing with a weird kind of cold. It strikes in the morning with some ten fifteen minutes sneezing session or it strikes after four in the evening. In between it comes only if it has mood otherwise I am completely fine. It again strikes when I want to sleep and makes me go mad with all other symptoms like nose leaking, nose blockage, soar throat and body ache. If it is cold and hectic in the day time it is garnished by head ache as well.

Yesterday the cold decided to catch me tight. It had started giving hints a day before but I was too busy to grab those hints as yours truly was being pampered by in laws in another city. I realized that the cold is getting serious about me when I was travelling back to Pune. Well the next day, when I entered office people started looking at me with sympathy in  eyes.I felt bad for my in laws who were worried and a friend of mine in fact ask me if things were right.

I settled on my desk and the sound of stopping the leakage off my nose, that is my hard work to not to look shabby with liquid coming out of nostrils in public started. The cotton napkin and my nose had moments of friction for the whole day, to the extent that some people approved occurrence of maroon blush ( guys, it is a kind of make up tool to show pinky cheeks. That is what I know!) on my nose in place of my cheeks. For an hour I was not sure if both my nostrils are breathing or I am a living medical miracle.

To discuss an issue when I went to my manager, he became conscious if he is being harsh on me! He asked me to take rest. I am sure he had self doubts about relationship management with subordinates. He offered two three days off as well.

When I felt temperature of my body increasing, not because of my looks but due to the cold I decided to take the half day off. Coming back home was so much relaxing that I gulped snacks given by the would be mom, drank hot water and went to sleep for a number of hours.

The after evening hours spent in being nostalgic about my cold cough sessions in Singapore and how my room mate used to put efforts to save my lungs/nose from cold attacks. When I slept off, proving the theory of cold medicines induce sleep wrong by sleeping at 2, I did not know cold would play the peek-a-boo again next morning.

Here, I am, without any sneezing-coughing-nose leaking (only with body ache) waiting for the cold session to start by working at home. Come on, cold. Come face to face.Lets fight it off.

Love and ramblings!

This is clearly the day when with choked nose I push myself to get up from the couch I was asleep. I had a horribly weird dream and I can not say if it was a nightmare or not. I am getting too many night mares now a days, god knows why. Ginger tea is the way to get ready for the day. I suddenly realize how one of my flatmates used to hate my tea which hypothetically (in reality too) had more ginger than the milk. I like it that way. I put very little sugar free in it and just let the strong smell enter and touch my soul. Yeah, I try to be poetic every now and then. A few people I can see are raising their eyebrows to say if I am in love. I am in Love.

With myself. I am trying to pamper myself to restart healthy life style again. I love the Pune Winter like crazy. A cotton jacket in the morning and a little woolly jacket in the evening do the trick. Instead of my cheeks my nose becomes red in the early morning and night. I am not sure how pink cheeks are trademarks of winter.

I am in love with my bottle of Vicks. No really. Without it I would have got suffocated and might get murdered by the same red nose. I am sure God has blessed me by chocking my nose/leaking my nose only in the morning or in the night. I clearly don't want my office neighbors to smell Vicks all the time.

 I am in love with my office. Which is sadly shifting in a month or two. Temporary crush I suppose. I love my desk, I love the way I have to go to my neighbor as the dustbin resides in between is pulled to his side. I am sure he must be doing small scale business of Kabadi in those few minutes he get free.

I am in love with the calendar. Which in a way makes me guilty by not being able to attend two best friends wedding and above the birthday of my fiancee. Of course there will be ways to compensate for.Not really.

I am in love with my nervousness which tags along in all possible forms like headaches and irritation. I believe I am the only would be bride of the world who is not enthusiastic about the wedding. Before any one thinks, I am pushed into the relationship, I should clarify that I am all in to go for the court marriage and have a gala trip to some amazing places in the world. Well, fantasies prevail.

I am in love with the new silver anklets I purchased from the very first half salary I got. No, not because I love them. I do but the reason is weird. I read some where that silver anklets do help in keeping organs of lower body healthy. I am not sure but validating the same. Unless I decided to spare my colleagues from light music it gives in the every step I take.I am sure there will be a way to take off those tiny ghunghrus my anklets have at the end.

 Last but the most important point of this post is , I am in love with my would be life partner. None of us are fans of mushy conversations, in fact the bond is like the best friends so I am sure the previous statement is too bold to appear in public. Mr. ISB hold on to your breath and move one!! *Wink*, Just in case you read!

New new!

New home.

Home is where the heart is. This new place gave me a sudden rush of positive energy. The new flat mate is also chirpy and that makes it more special.

New job

People are good, work is good. I am loaded and job hours are stretched till I faint as soon as I touch my bed but then that is the part which will grow my career. I am all happy.

New friends

I meet so many people every day and make friends. Almost daily one new person I meet. I love making friends and so this phase is adding up many many good friends in my friends-list for sure.

New phase

My wedding is coming closer every day. Do not ask me date, I am not sure but a few months away. Wedding blues hitting high and rituals with relatives making me crazy before they can even enter in my life. I need to take it in a bit different way, with enthusiasm and happiness. Yeah I am the would be bride who is yet not too enthusiastic to shop and get ready in some super cool saloons. Not pink only blue in the mind.

New me

Yeah I am changing slowly. I am being a little more sentimental fool. Something which is being laughed on every day but hey, I will reach that saturation point and go back to the super care free me after wedding okay?

PS: I dont have wifi at home as of now. Thanks to my new roomie I am using her net and feeling as if I came back to myself after ages!

13 is not bad!

So so many people feel thirteen is an unlucky number. My rational side feels this is a foolish thought. We can not hold a 'Number'? responsible for something unwanted happening in life. While a rebellious side of me always feel, why 13? The one part of me discovered the otherwise, we celebrate Dhanteras! Yeah, 13 is lucky this time?!

I know this post started with some silly stupid ideologies of mine but right now here in this room , alone, in now not so new city Pune, I am free to be myself. After a lined up calls from my mom, my would be mom (in law), my sister (in law who is capable of letting me break all laws!) and of course Mr.ISB. Long distance blues always show off on your phone bills, isnt it?

This new home (at least for two months) is nice, gives me some positive vibes even when I am not sure of flatmates. I am not so lucky to have my Singapore flatmates again here, but I just can pray I can feel them at least 10% here. I am yet to organize everything in my room and situation demands the delay of some ten days for the same, I have already started planning about buying new mugs and photo frames! May be this is the feeling I always carry whenever I shift, sadly, never entirely made myself happy with application.

As tomorrow I am leaving for home, I am not at all homesick this Diwali like I was last time. I am sure my Singapore room mates might miss the actual shining of the festival but hey, I am going to send some pictures of India to make them jealous! *Yeah rolling eyes*

This Dhanteras, I did not do any pooja but I am sure tomorrow I am going to be into festive mood. I pray to god, that my mom's dream of making me wearing Saree this diwali gets accomplished in a beautiful way. Otherwise a chubby girl might get converted into a wrapped jumping cylinder.

I know I should just publish the blog-post and run away.

Life is on the roll!

It has been a long I blocked and many of my friends actually commented on it. Not because they missed my blog, mostly they missed my blabberings! Many people feel , if there are no posts from me for long, there is something terribly wrong. Believe me things are moving so fast, I hardly have some time and rather internet to sit and note them down. Like many other posts, this shall be a mixed bag from my monkey mind!

It has been almost two weeks I landed in Pune, with the hope of getting into the new job role and the city. Doing it good. Pune is not entirely new and so is the language, so far enjoying life. Super hectic schedules and house hunting take most of the chunk of my peace of mind, the not so peaceful chunk goes straight to Mr.ISB.

The first week in the five star hotel, sponsored by my new company was nothing but a week of transition from doing-nothing-phase to day-should-be-of-30-hours-phase. With superb services and facilities both at hotel and the company with training sessions, I guess I developed a nice habit of sleeping as early as possible. According to my mom, that is the most brilliant establishment of mine and the company put together.

The second week started with a lot of rush. Stretched working hours, late evening tele conferences to attend with on going small trainings and how can my health behave properly?! A lot of pain and multiple organ nervousness as I call it happened and I almost (along with Mr.ISB of course!) faced those two- three days. If I think now, they were nothing, pain lead me to capture everyone's peace of mind. Being alone and feeling sick yet sane, is the skill I am looking forward to develop.

Next week is going to have major changes again - Shifting to a room on sharing basis with other girls, getting into the job business some more and yes, preparing for the Diwali vacation. Yeah, my company is kind enough to give me five days holidays. Yuppy! Not for the vacation ( I dont need one now!) but this will be my last Diwali at my home. Very important for my parents, for me, well I am not going to spare them even in future anyway.

Pune bound

The day approached, when I will again relocate to a not so new and yet a strange city for me. Pune. The part of Pune where I have stayed before is more like a jungle, this time it is the proper city area. Anyway, it did control my nervousness to some extent.

It is not first time I am shifting some where. My last four years have seen more relocation than I would have ever thought of. This time it is different. I know I am here for my job, I might face pure professional environment than my first job - where I managed to get friends to die for. I will be at a higher position, where things will be judged in a serious manner. I will have to act more responsible. I am not nervous for these things.

I am nervous for the fact that after like days and days at home, it will be difficult to live alone. Of course virtually my parents, my would be and my would be parents will be there, but for me it is difficult.

I just want to finalize a flat where I would get room mates like I had in Singapore ( Now this is ultra difficult!), I want to work hard so that loneliness would be the last thing to enter my mind. I want to explore this city which is a blend of modern trends and traditions which survived ages.

With such hopes in my mind, keeping the TV on as I want some one's feel  in the hotel room I have been given for some days by the company, I am signing off. :)

PS: This post is written in jiffy. It shows randomness of my mind! ;)

Super pre-wedding Blues-1

Why Super? As it is too early to feel those moments - Feelings which are blue. Yet, I am having some. I thought why not to start a series, may be in future I might just have fun reading it or I can inspire other would be brides to tackle better than me!

• So when I say my would be is studying in The Indian School Of Business, Hyderabad, people give expressions as if I am going to marry a man who is almost an Einstein-kind-of-a-guy. They tell me I am super fortunate and so on. Little less they know, I am going to request the ISB management to give away all would-be-partners of students studying, certificates for cultivating patience (even in hyper persons like me-as little as a few micro grams!), managing odd timings and controlling frustration ( in Nano-grams, if it exists).
• I have not digested the fact that I am getting married next year because of two reasons. My relatives are over enthusiastic and come up with 89789759 kinds of plans for my wedding. I feel I am still single. ( May be it is a good feeling!) The pressure gap between two facts creates sucking vacuum in my mind heart.
• I am rebellious. My parents think I am rebellious now, in my teens I was not. I feel I was always rebellious , just could not voice my voice. Now I do it once I feel saturated. The situation is not easy to handle. I am yet to digest the fact that, I have to leave my identity, my parents, my family, almost a part of my soul after the marriage. I know I am exaggerating but some where it is true. I am not being forced by even a single member of his family for anything, but at the end of the day, the truth remains same. I feel ( just like a teenager) that if you are a guy, you are lucky. You will carry your identity with yourself all your life. Taking responsibility of some one is not super tough unlike watching your parents loosing rights over you against a man, who might/ might not rank you first on priority. These thoughts are instantaneous and I am sure I am going to laugh at this. For now, it is painful.
• I feel , even when I am mentally prepared for marriage, I am not feeling like I am engaged. That doesn't mean I don't love my would be!! I share a relations which is very special with him , a relation of being the best friends now. The only shock my friends have is, why am I not already dreaming about my wedding. Because, I do not want to expect anything from any one. I also do not know the difference between planning, dreams and day dreams. Heart breaking pain is something I am afraid of, even if it is as small as loosing an ear ring gifted by some one special. Yeah, I am not so strong. At least now.
• If he is going to read this, he might thunk his head on the wall for getting engaged to a very emotional and complex personality. I just want to raise my collars and say, "Your choice!"

On faces I have.

I have got to know about some different faces of mine in last few months. Not that they were great discoveries, or a result of introspection. They are faces and labels given by others.

Face 1: About being Kiddish : I am kiddish and that is the opinion all my friends carry. Surprisingly my parents and relatives think I was kiddish at the age of 5 and afterwards I am never kiddish. That is the birth time of my brother. There was one time when I used to laugh at this label but let me be honest it is like an insult for me now. I don't know but this label irritates hell out of me. As I said I carry this tag only for friends, which confuses me more about my original face.

Face 2: About being immature: If it is related to taking decisions in life, I think apart from selecting gadgets and clothes I was rarely confused. I don't think so, I took any decision of my life with immature mindset. In fact just like the above point my parents never feel I am immature. My dad sometimes feel I almost behave like a grand mother in handling some complex behavioral issues of females. Irony is some of my best friends feel the word 'Immature' was actually created for me only.

Face 3: About being incompetent in dealing with people: This is a tag which I laugh at the most. I left home about four years ago. I met some hundreds people and as I am too extrovert I have undergone and I might undergo feelings like happiness, friendship, hurt, betrayals, heart breaks. People say I am too sensitive, I am sure I am. Does it mean I am not competent in dealing with people? Dealing with a room mate who attempted to do suicide, dealing with a bunch of friends who just disappeared in the air, dealing with a room mate who almost depressed me by different tactics, dealing with a pair of classmates who believed that I am one backward Desi as I am a vegetarian and absolutely don't drink etc is a joke? Yeah I failed at times, but then I always moved on. Just because I express what I am going through doesn't make me weak or prove that I am incompetent.

Face 4: About being not so practical : This is something I am. Even my parents feel I am not so practical. I count it as a personality trait then the lack of a particular skill. Emotions are one of the important part of my soul and being practical is something doesn't work for me. If you ask me an option from an emotionally secured world without any other facility and a perfect world with all facilitates without any companion , I will choose the first one within micro seconds. In fact,being too practical ruins emotions from some hearts and that is something impossible for me. As one of my close friend once told me, I have a scope of improvement on balancing emotional front, I agree with him. Though I feel, every body has a scope of improvement. Some needs to be more emotional about life and some needs exactly the opposite. Life is about balancing the inner emotions and external affairs. Isnt it?

If I sum up four faces I mentioned above, I think I am still a teenager. Not that I care. As I know the moment I will face off them, I will be not what I want to be. I will be a powerful person, but not  the one with the life.

I happily describe myself as a sensitive person who likes to take decisions by heart then my mind. I do fall on my face due to the emotional over load but then mistakes make you grow. Right?

I'm back!

I know I was too irregular in blogging, people in fact stopped asking me about my no-blogging-act. Anyway, now when I am back I have to give random updates about my life and of course, my feelings. You might feel an exact blend of happiness , nervousness and disappointment.

• The major event in last few days was getting job offers. It was a real exam of my patience. People raised doubts about my educational qualification. People considered me foolish as I decided to come back to India. They considered my feeling of being a part of India's economic growth (It looks dull right now!) an idiotic idea. I never regretted my decisions but then it was taking too much for me to be calm. At times I cried alone, parents and my fiancee tried to manage my tantrums, depressive vibes. Finally I got two offers from very good companies of my field. The offer I accepted was an opportunity and a gift to me, I feel. I could actually shut mouth of all critics. I could achieve what I had in my mind! I am super happy and also sad as these will be my last some days at my home, which will be my parent's home from next year. 
• An exciting feel of shifting in a city where I have lived for six months is in the air. Though I was not in the city exactly, now I want to explore the heart of the city. Pune it is. Looking forward to the whole new experience of living and working in the new city alone! 
• The rains in Gujarat are creating havoc every where. I guess God tests us every two- three years. Earthquake-riots-flood-flood and so on. I hope the situation will be fought with great courage as always. 
• This point is almost like venting out fire from inside. I am trapped in an emotional cage where I feel suffocated. This cage is built by me, no one is responsible but keeping every one happy is not an easy task. Especially when it comes to events like marriages. You become the single point contact of the guy's family and held responsible for each action- reaction from his side. My soul is yet to discover the shut down mode from such conditions. 
• Well on a happy note, I expect better blog posts full of experience and learning from next month!

Kids, religions and India!

Religion was just a small world when I was a kid. We, kids in my school sang songs and prayers of all religions our teachers knew about. From Ram, Krishna, Rahim, Kabir, Jesus, Mahavir Swami, Buddha, Nanak to even Tao, every one was present in our prayers and thought. Of course we were taught that we all are one, we thrive to reach to the same super power. I am sure all kids learn the same. Kids are taught that India is one nation where all religions are same, humanity unites us,we all are same.

Some where during high school period the gap starts appearing. Rituals enter in lives new teens in a rigid way. Parents try to let kids know more about their own religions. Fair enough. Kids also start differentiating using their own concepts. An innocent heart starts making comparisons in castes/ religions using different angles gifted by parents, family and friends. The kid who used to celebrate festivals of all religions slowly starts feeling awkward when festivals of 'others' are being celebrated. Parents and relatives take proud and instill those feelings in kids at this age, worst they also instill differences from this very age.

Once he or she enters the college and starst making their own choices, parents become more rigid about their own religion. The same parents who taught them in the childhood that all religions believe in the same single super power. Youngsters now know their religion is the best on the earth, they are the most ethical clan close to God. Panic attacks, honor killings, riots take place when two matured personalities from different religions/caste/states decide to marry. Just because they have a different set of Gods and rituals! Just because they are holier or higher than the other caste or the religion!

The transformation of a kid to adult becomes tainted and gets adulterated at the end. Do we need to change this?

Fights between religions, fights between states, fights for languages! - Don't we need to continue the feel of 'We all are one' for the life?

Do we need to change the feel of upbringing in kids while teaching religions? Love marriages, inter state and inter caste marriages may bring a change and the unity India wants now. May be.

Thoughts over the cup of coffee!

I brewed the coffee from the machine dad has been gifted by his French friend.The fitness freak soul of mine subconsciously added Sugar Free in the coffee and stirred the whole mug with the spoon. With the same subconscious mind, just like a daily ritual I went out in the Garden Balcony.

My eyes were focused on the mug and my mind, went back to the conversation my dad and my aunt had the previous day. My aunt who is a doctor is trying to treat my stomach burning problem. Like all other health problems I have, this is also a psychosomatic disorder. In simple language it has to do with psychology or the stress level of the patient.

I started sipping my coffee and realized, how  my thinking-too-much habit has resulted into health problems in last few months. It has reversed my state of mind from care free to gloomy. Why cant I control my mind? Why do I have to think and over analyse things? Even when I am blessed with world's best parents,family  friends and of course an awesome life partner.

If I am going to fall deeper in to this dark well, I am going to be gripped by a kind of depression. May be just like my mother who suffers from hyper tension  time to time. If I am going to suffer how will my own people smile?

I was the sun shine, I was their smile and now? They are worried about my health. It is me who has to be stronger, and I have to take care of them. Tough to digest but I am a big girl now.

With the empty coffee mug, I left the balcony and smiled at my mother," Mom, lets go out today?"

He!

If you look from outsider's eyes. We both are different like chalk and cheese. He is composed, I am complex. He talks when needed, I need to talk all the time. He lets me tell all stories from my world, I make him listen to my chattering which includes everything under and around the sun.

He loves cricket, and knows micro-details of the game. I love cricket only when the World cup is on air or say, when India is playing. He loves books and chews most of them. I love books to be in the world of fiction, enjoy its joys and thrills, finally try to come back in the real world.

He likes to try different food and never gets tired of visiting new as well as his favorite places. I am moody when it comes to food, I only crave for chocolates, ice creams and Indo-Chinese food for most of the time.

He is mathematically brilliant, analytically excellent. I am mathematically not analytic. I over analyse non-mathematical things! He shows off his English vocabulary, I show off my Gujarati vocabulary!

If he says he is going to kill you. Please run for your life, as from what I know he never breaks a promise. Yeah, he can be  late but never fails his own word.

No, if you think from the above statement that he has some violent shades, I better tell you he is as calm as some real Sadhubaba meditating in Samadhi. Hardly anything can distract him! Forget violence, he might take time to react respond to the situation. Yeah unlike me, whose reaction time is as long as 1/1000th second.

He is one of those buddies who has naturally acquired the skill of deciphering my mood just by a simple 'Hello' on the call, in a few months only. Which is quite unusual. I change my mood faster than the speed of the sound if situation arises! (Haww, too much of self introspection!)

Now, if you feel this guy is too innocent and Sidha sada for me! Mind you, break this misconception! He has lots of Shanpatti hidden inside and that is why I call him Shana! ( Okay, I have many Shana types friends! One more to add as a life partner!) That is what he is!

People may call our jodi an oxymoron but then only these basic differences made us jump together in the journey called 'Life'!

There comes a day!

There comes a day, when all you want is to be alone. You want to just walk in the drizzling shower without a rain coat. You generally think a lot, but today, you dont want to think at al. You dont want to introspect any more. All you want is happiness. You are so independent but yet so much affected by atmosphere, your own people. Today, for a change, you want to get disconnected and fly.

You want to revive those days when you knew how to be happy on your own. You want a little time for yourself, to indulge into yourself. You want to be a little more selfish. You want to scream and then let that something go out. Not because you are depressed, you are not. You want to be alone because today, you want to be happy for yourself.

You dont want to think about any one, you dont want to think about past-present-future. You want yourself. You want to hug your self. You know, no better can understand you more than yourself.

You have to enjoy your own company. You have to be your own leader, counselor, friend and philosopher.

You know, there comes a day. When you feel like being yourself.

Scribbles

This place is like loving some one. I cant live without blogging. When I do, an unusual and discomforting feeling dwells in me. The problem I am facing is, I write a lot of things and save it as a draft. I dont have a heart to post them on this blog for some unknown reasons. Anyway, I guess I owe myself a blog post.

Life is moving on the hilly terrain , taking turns every now and then but the goal is decided. The goal is what I want and I am super happy with it. This fact makes me comfortable in many parts and yet there is a part of my soul struggling to adjust to the upcoming changes in my life.

I feel excited, I feel nervous. I feel numb and I feel like screaming from the roof top. The whirlpool of such feelings obviously takes a toll on me. Yet as my aunty says, this phase is going to be so pretty that I will always remember it. Period.

I am really going to write about this upcoming year as it is going to be different than 25 years. Each festival and each celebration will be different at home. I will be the lime light which makes me uncomfortable to my surprise. Yett there is a possibility I might enjoy being special. This phase of life might shape my future, nurture a matured soul but I am pretty sure and firm on one thing.

This Bubblegum wont change ethics, values, culture and of course blogging. Amen. 

He and She! - A new beginning!

The boy: " I am clear. You be clear and let me know. No pressure, okay?, it is your life too!"
The girl: " Okay... I meant... Yeah let me think..."


In a few days,

The girl: Okay I am with you. :)

And so both sets of parents are happy. The guy is happy. The girl is on cloud nine with butterflies in her stomach continue to fly like the starting part of the story.

Wish us luck! :) Of course the girl is the Bubblegum! ;)


PS: A guest post by the guy about me and a post about the guy by me is coming soon.

With Love, From Iran.

So, my dad went to Iran for some work. He has a friend over there, who had come to India before some years and was overwhelmed to see him in Iran. With great stories of Persia, current development and amazing level of infrastructure and civic sense, he came with some gifts for home. I can write a very long blog post about Iran now, I would rather show off gifts today in this blog post. Be happy for me, okay?

Angels and Demons.

I am not talking about the book. I am talking about real like angels and demons. I mostly avoid using the word 'Demons' for people, here when I am writing this I would like to clarify.

Angels are a bunch of people, who make me feel special, relaxed and secured. He or she makes me feel home from anywhere. Home is where the heart is and my heart feels home where these angels are. Talks or even being with them in the mute mode ( which is unlikely for yours truly) comfort me. I feel secured, emotionally. I feel the calmness which I crave in stress. No, they don't give me solutions. I hate being spoon fed. They give me that peace of mind which is important to solve any problem surfacing in my life.

Then there are demons. They manage to gift me discomfort and stress even by looking at me. Just like those monsters in virtual games and films. I try to find positive feeling from the meeting or the talk but I get petrified in each of those attempts. Demons are of course 0.5% percent of people whom I meet, but that small bunch sometimes affects me in a manner where angels have to appear.

Gossiping, stalking, jealousy and show off. These factors make demons for me. They are biggest turn offs. Friendliness, fun, smiles and positive aura make angels for me. An angel makes me feel light, an angles just calls me and talks everything but not the issue and I am awesome, an angle shoots me with sunshine and I smile. I am blessed.

To those angels, even to those demons. May I become an angel in lives of both. 

Randomness strikes!

My life is moving on a hilly terrain, smooth yet changes directions every now and then. Of course, at the age of twenty five, people (relatives) if not hormones play a crucial role in disturbing your usual state of mind. Some thing or the other thing, big and small, keeps on happening and either I demotivate my self to push it on my blog for some reasons or people demotivate me unknowingly. In this confusion, I have five six drafts in my inbox which I wanted to publish and never did.

Introspection is an obsession now. I discover new weaknesses and new strengths in me, every now and then. Discouraged by many and encourages by my own people, I try to find my way in the blurred atmosphere. Thankfully, my people understand me and let me take time to move on another confusion. :D

Reading and photography are my constant companions, I try to cling on to them constantly. I eat, rather try to digest each book I read, my mom is fed up supplying me new books. It is that strange atmosphere when you know, you need a change but you cant do anything about it. You need to flow through.

I keep on thinking about work- life balance. I keep on thinking about dreams and day dreams. What is the difference between a dream and a day dreamer. Should I believe in the theories in 'The Magic' or should I be ready for any unexpected or say, worst conditions in life. The later thrives towards negativity, isnt it?

There are days when I absolutely don't think about 'ANYTHING', I just enjoy. Just before a week I was blessed with such days- Five days. Lovely people, crazy new friend, lots of shopping, theater and what not. I always knew,I should not waste this time of my life and crib about coming dull days after those five days. I think, I enjoyed a lot. I happily indulged into memories for one more week. Now I miss them, with hopes of revisiting them again.

Now let me clear my thoughts. Planning to blog something new every day. Yes. It makes me feel so good, promise to be more positive and come up with small stories about my life. 

Hide, Seek and Scribble

Of course, I was not very fond of this game in my childhood as I was quite dull and fearful to let my people go away and worst, being all alone, trying to find them. Little less I knew, I would enjoy it in my twenty fifth year.

I found myself suddenly hiding from all social networking platform. I was addicted to each of them once in my life and here I was feeling detached to all of them. There was this one platform - Blogging which made me come back on the internet and let me finish the game of 'Hide and Seek'! This decision was not made by me, actually situations did not permit me to cater to my addictions. Oh boy the peaceful life I enjoyed in the absence of such addictions. Of course I might come back once in a while on such platforms, but as of now I very well know, how I missed the 'real' life.

The 'seek' part which ended up with falling ill due to variations in atmospheres in the western parts of India but it made me learn management of billions of tiny feelings. Today when I have entered the quarter life crisis state, I feel my life can change at any moment of time, I am soon realizing the fact that I am slowly graduating towards that 'change'. Okay, now don't raise your eyebrows, changes are unknown and will be discussed over here as well.

The last one year which witnessed myself changing in each spheres of my life, is still giving my hormones a tough time. The impulsive Bubblegum starts responding in place of reacting, some times she cries out loud seeing huge uncertainties striking ahead, sometimes Bubblegum knows what she wants from life and some times she thinks if she will be loved by her own people for her unique and mad band of thoughts.

Anyway, days have passed in this same confused state of mind, I decided to blog out it. May be after years, while having a cup of adrakh wali chai , I laugh on myself reading this blog.

The wisdom and the luck shall strike soon, Amen.

The chase.

It is fresh in my mind. Some one has opened the valve of the nozzle sprinkling sorrow. There are fronts I am fighting at. There are dreams carved by me, I am fighting for. Let me be clear, this word 'fighting' doesn't mean fighting with some one. It says, I am fighting against odds. Just cleared it out as I know this word made my world upside down a few years before.

Being at home and being nearer to loved ones, are two positive things. May be only positive things in my life as of now. Suddenly I am falling into a well, full of depression and darkness. I try everyday, to shower some positive feelings. It works for a while and I am back to square one.

Even in my dreams, I scream so that I can come out of some cage. The cage where I am comfortable but I want challenges. Challenges which can develop me.

Nothingness in a life of a hyper active girl can create a havoc. A messy one. I am suffering. Imagine I have not played a single prank in last three months. Just imagine.

My family and buddies are standing just beside me but I can not show them that I am weak. I cant cry in front of them. They give me courage, I understand their constant tries to make me smile. What can I do?

My decisions, my ethics, my wishes, my dreams. I am chasing everything. 

Let me be me..

Let me be me, to enjoy with you;
You gave me wings to fly, to feel the hue.

The land beneath is calling me so dearly,
You tell that is gravity, clearly.

Science is dear to you, I find spirit in it,
You convert fantasies in facts, I live in it.

The poem seems disoriented,has a feel.
It is to show, how do I love thee.

Because I need to write.

Days I have not been writing. Phew. Not that I don't have things to write about but twitter served as a tool for my mind who is busy in weaving one liner or a minute long thought. It eventually tweets and shuts off.

I must say, I missed blogging though. An open blank page and a mind-a heart filled with expressions are together an opportunity to bring out the inner you. If I talk life today, blogging about it right away will not be a bad idea.

* 2 hours this draft was open without one more word written on it*

See, I told you there are so many things to write about and my hyperactive mind calmly refuses  to pen down any one thought calmly. Yes , you got it write. Even when I try, I wont be able to blog. Is this kind of a writer's anti block with the same effect as writer's block? Okay now don't kill me, I am not a writer here.

I will get back to you, right in some days.

Because I know, I need to write.

PS: Before readers start throwing eggs and rotten tomatoes let me just close this tab.

Amdavad ni Pol!

Pol is a lane. So if you hear things about Amdavad's Pol culture, I assure you it will be something about uniqueness. The government thankfully, after years has realized the heritage value and have started the heritage walk but my curious sole wanted to see the famous 'old and amazing' structures managed to visit the 'Pol'.

Of course I am no great photographer but I managed to click some memories. Of course all rights are reserved. More about Amdavad after my heritage walk, for sure!

Kuch pairo ke niche to hai!!

Bling Bling .... Tiding! :)

Four happening takes-Let me express!

It is the perfect weather to go out, take out the shield of umbrellas- rain coats and dissolve in the chilled rain drops. Well, as my mom and a few friends agree to a buddy's theory of misplaced Center of Gravity in my body, she doesn't let me go out and jump, I am happily swinging in the big garden balcony at home.

Last some days were exciting and full of changes- Good and Bad. Happiness of being at home, being with family, talking to friends sometimes, cooking and sleeping with a little bit nervousness for future. I thought let me express and ponder over awesome things happening with me, by me and may be, for me.

The Monsoon: 20 days under the scorching sun, suffering a heat stroke and the stroke on the head resulting into stitches finally ended with the refreshing breeze of Monsoon. Touch wood. Of course twitter made me nostalgic about Mumbai but then Ahmedabad is cool,super cool in monsoon. My now not so new (finally!) home has a big garden balcony only for me, it seems. Be it early morning or late at night, this place is in my permanent possession. Mogara, Jasood and other flowers with chirpy birds of our zoologist uncle in neighbour hood makes it super adorable.

Books: I keep on reading books, almost all the time. This activity eats out major chunk of my day after sleeping. I am not complaining, its a bliss. I read and narrate stories to my parents and discuss with them as well. That is fun, I am telling you.

Television: Going gaga over this idiot box as I absolutely was without it for four years. I watch matches, news (limited) , songs and of course dance shows. I am sure, my TV is feeling honored.

Yoga: Not sure about the whole weight loss effectiveness formula but I am already feeling freshness and flexibility, so much that my brother thinks, I might again start jumping/toggling and hurt my knees before the previous injury marks vanish.

Those were my fantastic four take on my own life! How many do you have?

Mumbaiya Memories!

In Wake Up Sid when Ayesha writes her first article on the city of dreams, She knows why the city is special to her. She finds the city adorable. At the end of the movie, she realizes it was Sid who made the city so warm for her. The movie has some brilliant shots of the city of my dreams as well. The movie makes me nostalgic, each of the frame makes my heart crave for Mumbai.

I have written a lot about Mumbai, in the form of rants and in the form of ramblings. I love even the humid, irritating and still homely feel of the city.  I have a confession to make about it.

Like Sid in Wake up Sid, I have a bunch of Sids who made my stay in this city, an affectionate affair of my life.

Perhaps not even thousand words can give me a peace of mind, I am caught by the nostalgia trip.

The city of my dreams, please let me come and hug you again! Pretty please!

What did I do at home?

Well, a little bit of this, that and clicks.

Nothing else :)

Worries and the written rant.

I thought I can just write them up, my tensions and worries. Unlikely what people think, I am not so cool types. I am an ultra worrier. I am one pile of tensions and if I don't have anything to worry about, I cry. Enough let me start and vent it out.

1. Worried about job. I have time till august to graduate and finish, yet I am worried. A little bit due to the market and more due to my choices. India and a strong profile are my demands and it seems they make me a total picky girl.
2. Whole world, this whole world is worried about my marriage. The guy is not the subject, they all want to get me married off as soon as possible within a year's time. Horrid. I can listen to every one, but not every day. I have other 28494904 things to manage.
3. My mom. She has become so caring after the accident that she might not let me go to the next room without her supervision. That also means my Mumbai plan next week has been postponed for some indefinite  period of time. That also means I am going to rant as I absolutely have no friends around me. Yeah there are three busy people in my city who are almost angles as of now.
4. I hate my phone now. I stare at the screen for some unknown miracles and nothing happens. Nothing. I never thought I would play with applications more and message or call less with my awesome phone.
5. I miss Rains, beaches, room mates back Singapore and main, Chai. Sorry Chai wali tai. 
6. There is one wish getting shaped up in my mind. I want to take a really big break from all these tensions and explore the world, or say at least do something new or something I am passionate about. With stitched head and mom, I really cant do anything except talking to her and reading. Wait I cook sometimes, watch TV and stare at blank mails. 
7. The heat kills me and the AC makes me mad by gifting me migraine every now and then. Nothing, Nothing in the world can cure it. I know, I have got rid of the real one years back but it doesn't go off my life.
8. I need peace, I miss some one. A lot to blog about before people start guessing things.
9. When your own buddy bluffs , you create a strange wall around you. It hurts.
10. Good with it now. I am going to be really happy today. Its all written, published and thrown away.

Have a Goodie Goodie day.

Lesson of love.

That was the moment when may be I was falling down from the stairs due to the heat. May be it was only for a few seconds or may be not, I almost saw myself diving into a dark well of thoughts. I was thinking something deep down. I clearly remember a stream of thoughts. Only one stream, as I felt that was a sea of thoughts and I remember only this one.

I clearly understood what I wanted to do if I would have died of the head injury. Of course it was silly and I might get bashing by friends who might not like this sentence. Honestly I wanted to do only one thing.

I wanted to express my love to all people whom I loved THE MOST. May be I would have compromised on numbers if it would have happened really, albeit with a pinch of sorrow.

I knew what is important in my life and who all are. Or may be who is, how much. I almost cried to show how much I love them. I wanted to hug them and more than myself I was worried about how they felt seeing me leaving them. I wanted to make them feel good while I was going.

From the very moment, I want to meet every one I love and say how much I care for them. How much they mean to me. Something I am craving for which is not being expressed properly.

Some times it is not possible. Still it is important to me almost like my life.

The event and the conclusion!

I even don't want to give links of all those blogs posts where I have described how many times I have fallen off the road with absolutely no reasons at all. Last one year every time I had to fly, I have hurt my knees and ankles, some times small injuries and some times till months I had suffered. This time while flying back to India, I had followed the tradition as well. Of course mom dad and friends were shocked when heard about my passion towards following the so called tradition.

What happened a day back was something beyond the sum of all other injuries. I wanted to apply for the ADHAR card as I had missed it when these people came to my office, so I thought this time I should and my dad totally agreed to the thought.

So at around eleven in the morning, I thought no one will come to apply I left home with all documents. I saw some fifteen people in the line, and joined them. Later I came to know they all had family members with them who were taking rest in the nearby cafe type shops. I was standing there for some two hours and got a call from mom who asked me to come back as temperature in Ahmedabad reaches around 45 in the noon. I said let me finish today only, it will take an hour only. I cut the call and within a few seconds I started feeling something weird. Before I can take any decision, I found a dirty socks in front of my nose and a wet cloth on my forehead.

I had fainted on the stairs and the step had hurt me on my head, quite an amount of blood I saw on the wet napkin (not thaaaaaat much though), I was not able to open my mouth and the aunty who had a talk with me before, took my mobile which was ringing continuously as my mom had some sixth sense that something is going wrong with me! The aunty informed my mom who later on called my dad and brother who were nearer to the venue.

By the time they came, I was able to open my eyes. My brother who is a huge figured guy now, supported me and threw me inside the car! (Yeah yeah okay he did it with care!) , my dad called my fufa who is a plastic surgeon and within ten minutes I was in his operation theater where my bua was lecturing me about how one should keep on drinking water in this pathetic heat.

After the three stitches and before that a local anesthesia injection, I was bored to hell while elders were busy in talking! (Thats the trait of almost-all-doctors family!) One more injection and I slept off.

In the evening I was at home and became a joke of the family by then. They almost decided to make an annual maintenance contract with  causality wards of all hospitals.

Anyway when I pinged my best friend saying what had happened, he called me back and declared.

"Your center of gravity is wrongly places and so you fall every now and then."

My dad at the reason, "Such an intelligent conclusion!"

Me. :/

Titbits to tell!

I started this blog some two years before? Really? Time flies.
It stuck to me a few days before when I had no laptop in my hand to type and let things go out of my brain and heart system. I had cravings to just blog about things and my dreams. So now when I have some super shocking, nervous and excited events going on in my life, how can I stop myself to just blog something out on this creation of mirror-self.

So let me catch up with titbits happening all around me and to me as well.

Landing on the run way of my home town was fascinating. I wanted to take  that air in my body, what if it was really really really hot there at ten in the night. Seeing my super cool mom in long Kurti and jeans was over whelming. No doubt from where my spirit of keeping myself updated with fashion comes from, well I never implement is one more topic to discuss. Dad, mom and younger brother drove me  home and I was almost sleepy-drowsy and cranky. Yeah all hidden expressions to get pampered came out.

Life is smooth with a little bit nostalgia in mind after that. I always felt stressed back at Singapore that how am I going to adjust back home with so much heat and change of environment, it took a micro second to adjust. As I always say colors, emotions, feelings with million shades make India my home. I am amazed how well I said that, now.

The garden, with my dad's amazing ideas to save our siblings-plants, Mom's new collection of fabrics and books, Brother's new driving skills and fitness success- Definitely I am loving it.

Of course this blog post is a shattered mess of what I really want to say, I promise to come back as soon as possible. Letting things settle down. :)

Chalo ab chai pini hai.

She can make me cry too!

She and her mom with me were walking towards the bus stand. We had told her several times that 'Masi' needs to take a bus so she has to walk quickly. The little kiddo wanted to explore everything coming her way. May be she did not listen to us.

So we were constantly chatting. Even now when I am typing this, I am still not done with packing and I have a flight tomorrow. I am still not digesting the fact that I might not come back here. Of course I hate to say Good byes so, talks were more on my future.

The bus came and her mom gave me a hug and I suddenly wanted to say 'bye' to the kiddo. She was one of the motivation for me to stay here. How a toddler can love you is something she has taught me. Her giggling and games with me, makes me forget all my pain. Here she was in a state of shock seeing me waving bye. I looked at her mom, in fact I could not. I was entering the bus and I had realized I am going away.

The face my little kiddo made is still inside my mind. I am sure she would have forgotten the whole 'Masi is going' thing in a minute, I hope so, but I am still stuck at the moment.

I want to again play with her, hug her, make her drink water from my bottle- dhakkan fill water-style for some other billion times. I want to read books to her while she happily sits in my lap. I want to run with her on the beach and talk talk talk talk.

I never knew going away from a  little toddler will make me upset to this level. Never.

Billions of events and one elated soul

So my finale written exams are over. Hopefully they are last exams of its kind in my life, I am happy for it. Though it ended with many challenges in coming in for next one year. Be it my personal life or my professional life. So many things in my brain and heart, so apt, the title is 'Billions of events and one elated soul'!

Each of my line in this post might call for a separate post, but today I am just in a mood to state them and not explaining them.Be sure I am going to come with a new post everyday once I have my new laptop in my lap!

The biggest decision is moving- back to India. I am graduating in August and so I am hunting for a my kind of a job in India, hopefully there are better chances over there than in Singapore. The India as my finale location, was not a decision taken thinking too much. It was decided before I came here in Singapore. Just that people kept on laughing on me and they still do. My social life, emotions and self respect is much more important than struggle to get a job in Singapore , then to fight for a work permit and live a lonely life here for those thirty thousand INR more each month. Yeah Singapore has almost halved the recruitment of foreigners on e-pass. As they say now, 'Singapore is for Singaporeans'!

A break is what I need. A break from text books and a break from the current atmospheric conditions.  Check list of my  education is over and now the wishlist of my life is what I am preparing. Learning calligraphy, pottery, making a portfolio or even say, roaming around places and clicking photos. Lots to do and I know this time will never ever come back. Better I take the so called break and give my life the acceleration.

What I want to do in my life.? A lot of things. Professionally and personally. Undefined and some defined goals. Calls for a bigger post. A spark of doing something unique and non traditional yet routed to culture is not going to be easy, right?

Relations. A roller coaster life. I am 25 and that is making things really messy. My mother has a big list of her-dreams-about-me and I have a bigger list on please-let-me-live-my-life. She is right at her place, I am rebellious on my place. A bond of friendship is turning into a James Bond movie brand fighting. She is dreaming of a handsome, smart, educated, gulp, a guy from my caste and I am, well not dreaming about anything.My dad is trying to balance.

And last but may be the first. Getting a laptop which I can throw away in two years. Yeah that's the life they can enjoy when with me.

Putting things together.

Life has become  a game of puzzles. You have a bigger picture, you have a dream but there are some pieces of results-emotions not attached to each other. You have to connect those corners-sharp and not so sharp with each other, you have to pick the perfect piece and make your dream come true. That is what my life is , as of now.

There are many things to update. With my broken and semi functional laptop,exams-irritations around the corner it is becoming really difficult to blog even when I open the screen to type things out. There are some trillions of emotions fighting with each other in my mind and with my own people around me sometimes I feel alone- not because no body is supporting me, may be physical distance is taking its toll. Thinking about an India trip very soon. I am done with Singapore- that is one of the biggest emotions taking shape in my heart.

Just a few hours before an exam which is more of a story telling and a day before the most difficult and hopefully the last so out of the window subject of my academic life , I am blogging things out, yeah just like blabbering emotions out. As I know the morning dullness which was generally a spark before, will just disappear with a new post on the blog.

Things are complex and I am leaving to time as of now. I don't have energy to fight, cry or crib as of now.

Things will iron out themselves- as it was put by a friend of mine. Amen.

One pair of eyes!

Sometimes I wonder why did God give me only two eyes?! He actually obeyed the rule of standardization (How can I engineer such a sentence!) by giving those two dont-know-which-shaped-eyes but then like all designers he made mistakes. He gave me too many dreams,which are gushing out of my soul now,through the same pair of eyes. It always did but right now they are not under my control.

Dreams are  mischievous also, they change their shapes and sizes, they make me think a lot and they just refuse to let practical approaches come my way.Imagine two kids fighting- Dreams and Logic. One in eyes rooted to heart, one is in mind rooted deep inside my brain cells.

Sometimes I just open the 'Ever note' and let my hands type & when I type my mind doesn't use even 10% of its power. In fact I have a manufacturing defect, while writing my hands are controlled directly by my heart. Now you know why there are trillions of typos and billions of errors. You want to know what am I going to write? It is already embedded in my eyes! The real residence of culprits.

A dream just tried to jump out of my eyes, the dream about not doing any job and doing something on my own. One dream tried pushing it, it was about making a difference for my country. Before I could control other hundred dreams came and started fighting. I cant control them!

I told you, God made a blissful or a painful mistake, by giving me only one pair of eyes!

Facts- Sudden realizations!

1. Miracles happen in every one's life. Just that you have to be with good people and you have to be good to them. You don't have to give up on life for the miracle to arrive.

2. When you give up on 'expectations' from life, life gives you a glass of nectar. You are shocked.

3. Your dad comes to Singapore, Gives you surprises and birthday gifts which includes Mangoes from India. Your friends enjoy a lot on the awesome dinner with your dad. You just observe things and you sleep peacefully for the very first time in Singapore.

4. You get a call from some people who can shape your life, your future. Not the employers.Your own people and suddenly you feel you have a shoulder to cry on and a life to crave for.

5.Your exams are approaching and you realize you are now experiencing last ever exams of your life. Yeah for the end of college life, you are happy. Unlike other students!

6.Your best friends bug you a lot and you still smile while yelling. They tell you some super intelligent stuffs - Like why I should be more independent and how I should spend time in cultivating my hobbies. Friends with matured minds!

7.You have a bunch of crazy flatmates who play with you in a kid's garden. You are blessed.

8. You have a room mate who knows you and never gets shocked by your behavior. May be I am becoming predictable!

9. You cut mangoes and eat with your friends- hostel mates. You experience the heaven.

10. You have so many happening events in life that your mind blocks 'blogging ability mode' and starts numbering sudden realizations called facts!

Syllabus of the year 2013!

As I am back to teen age, I decided to define a syllabus of the school called 'Life'! In a real picture, I am going to experience some hundred changes in my day to day life, be it a professional front or the personal front. Adjustments and emotions are the main key factors.Here are my lessons!

Lesson 1: Patience, which is measured on negative scales as of now for yours truly. Patience comes with the control over mind, heart. It comes with  the trust in myself, my own people. I need to learn patience. Not every body is going to bother about my being impatient, those who will , are my own people. For their happiness and for my happiness, Bubblegum shall learn to create patience!

Lesson 2: Emotions in control. I have been blessed with a holy vessel of emotions called heart. It keeps on over flowing on each possible emotional situations. Joys, sorrows, pain and enjoyment. I need to balance them. If I have the aura of making people smile, I also have this pathetic side of spreading dullness. I need to be a responsible citizen and spread sunshine!

Lesson 3: Anger. Yeah I look quite cool but I am not. Some friends say anger sleeps on my nose (Yeah gussa nak pe sota hai!!!) Some friends say, I need a mole to make a mountain of fire! The cliche is, the speed is constant when it comes to loosing my mind and cooling it off. The sudden rush of fire burns many minds and hearts. Hurting people is not my business and so I am going to improve on this front.

Lesson 123 is the way of life in 2013 for me now! May the super power give me the courage to learn and gain expertise!

Yeah now all those friends smirking and closing the tab of the blog- Help me! :P

Welcoming Twentee(n) Six!

Yeah I am welcoming my new teens! When I am finishing twenty fifth year of my life and spending  9125 days  according to my two adjacent roommates, I feel like I am entering new teens! There are reasons for that.

Yours truly has become more rebellious in thoughts. Rather in good language, I have grown up to an extent and I am little more matured. I take up decisions and feel responsible for the same. At the same time, I have become rigid in my ethics and which makes me behave like a teen age girl even though my teen age was not much of a problem for my parents. Mostly!

I want to do everything in life. A good job to trips to awesome places in the world. I want to do bungee jumping and Himalaya treks. I want to dance like no one is watching and I want to scream- shout just like those crazy people in very old fashioned cinema halls. Kind of a teen age syndrome?

The 'me' inside has become choosy - grumpy when it comes to mixing with people whom I don't like. I avoid talking much and have fairly showed the attitude ' I am not interested in you' pretty well. Though my friends have doubt over this part.

Just like any teenage girl I have started taking time in grooming myself. Yeah in my previous (or the real) teen age I had missed this part. What do you expect from a tom boyish girl in the class of guys of Mechanical Engineering? Well this time, I am  crazy over accessories  , clothes and grooming services! Come on, very soon I am going to earn again once I finish my studies.

The 'remain tip top' phenomena as we say in Mumbaiya language is being  complemented with pimples on my face. Yeah, teen age pimples have been growing on my face (pretty) lately. I have to accept that!

You know what? All these reasons even when kill me everyday emotionally, they are fun. Fun like those teenagers?! Even when they are a big question marks to themselves due to confusions and hormonal imbalances! I think I have got my teens back!

So, I, me, Myself, Miss Bubblegum welcome the second and new teen age of my life.

The Twentee-n six'th year!!

"Happy Birthday to the new teen!"

PS: All sad thoughts about suffering from quarter life crisis has been put aside for a while, as I see more fun in my current age! The post is going to contain some more awesome errors than other posts as this has been written in a total moody state of mind!