May 28, 2013

Worries and the written rant.

I thought I can just write them up, my tensions and worries. Unlikely what people think, I am not so cool types. I am an ultra worrier. I am one pile of tensions and if I don't have anything to worry about, I cry. Enough let me start and vent it out.

  1. Worried about job. I have time till august to graduate and finish, yet I am worried. A little bit due to the market and more due to my choices. India and a strong profile are my demands and it seems they make me a total picky girl.
  2. Whole world, this whole world is worried about my marriage. The guy is not the subject, they all want to get me married off as soon as possible within a year's time. Horrid. I can listen to every one, but not every day. I have other 28494904 things to manage.
  3. My mom. She has become so caring after the accident that she might not let me go to the next room without her supervision. That also means my Mumbai plan next week has been postponed for some indefinite  period of time. That also means I am going to rant as I absolutely have no friends around me. Yeah there are three busy people in my city who are almost angles as of now.
  4. I hate my phone now. I stare at the screen for some unknown miracles and nothing happens. Nothing. I never thought I would play with applications more and message or call less with my awesome phone.
  5. I miss Rains, beaches, room mates back Singapore and main, Chai. Sorry Chai wali tai. 
  6. There is one wish getting shaped up in my mind. I want to take a really big break from all these tensions and explore the world, or say at least do something new or something I am passionate about. With stitched head and mom, I really cant do anything except talking to her and reading. Wait I cook sometimes, watch TV and stare at blank mails. 
  7. The heat kills me and the AC makes me mad by gifting me migraine every now and then. Nothing, Nothing in the world can cure it. I know, I have got rid of the real one years back but it doesn't go off my life.
  8. I need peace, I miss some one. A lot to blog about before people start guessing things.
  9. When your own buddy bluffs , you create a strange wall around you. It hurts.
  10. Good with it now. I am going to be really happy today. Its all written, published and thrown away.
Have a Goodie Goodie day.

May 25, 2013

Lesson of love.

That was the moment when may be I was falling down from the stairs due to the heat. May be it was only for a few seconds or may be not, I almost saw myself diving into a dark well of thoughts. I was thinking something deep down. I clearly remember a stream of thoughts. Only one stream, as I felt that was a sea of thoughts and I remember only this one.

I clearly understood what I wanted to do if I would have died of the head injury. Of course it was silly and I might get bashing by friends who might not like this sentence. Honestly I wanted to do only one thing.

I wanted to express my love to all people whom I loved THE MOST. May be I would have compromised on numbers if it would have happened really, albeit with a pinch of sorrow.

I knew what is important in my life and who all are. Or may be who is, how much. I almost cried to show how much I love them. I wanted to hug them and more than myself I was worried about how they felt seeing me leaving them. I wanted to make them feel good while I was going.

From the very moment, I want to meet every one I love and say how much I care for them. How much they mean to me. Something I am craving for which is not being expressed properly.

Some times it is not possible. Still it is important to me almost like my life.

May 24, 2013

The event and the conclusion!

I even don't want to give links of all those blogs posts where I have described how many times I have fallen off the road with absolutely no reasons at all. Last one year every time I had to fly, I have hurt my knees and ankles, some times small injuries and some times till months I had suffered. This time while flying back to India, I had followed the tradition as well. Of course mom dad and friends were shocked when heard about my passion towards following the so called tradition.

What happened a day back was something beyond the sum of all other injuries. I wanted to apply for the ADHAR card as I had missed it when these people came to my office, so I thought this time I should and my dad totally agreed to the thought.

So at around eleven in the morning, I thought no one will come to apply I left home with all documents. I saw some fifteen people in the line, and joined them. Later I came to know they all had family members with them who were taking rest in the nearby cafe type shops. I was standing there for some two hours and got a call from mom who asked me to come back as temperature in Ahmedabad reaches around 45 in the noon. I said let me finish today only, it will take an hour only. I cut the call and within a few seconds I started feeling something weird. Before I can take any decision, I found a dirty socks in front of my nose and a wet cloth on my forehead.

I had fainted on the stairs and the step had hurt me on my head, quite an amount of blood I saw on the wet napkin (not thaaaaaat much though), I was not able to open my mouth and the aunty who had a talk with me before, took my mobile which was ringing continuously as my mom had some sixth sense that something is going wrong with me! The aunty informed my mom who later on called my dad and brother who were nearer to the venue.

By the time they came, I was able to open my eyes. My brother who is a huge figured guy now, supported me and threw me inside the car! (Yeah yeah okay he did it with care!) , my dad called my fufa who is a plastic surgeon and within ten minutes I was in his operation theater where my bua was lecturing me about how one should keep on drinking water in this pathetic heat.

After the three stitches and before that a local anesthesia injection, I was bored to hell while elders were busy in talking! (Thats the trait of almost-all-doctors family!) One more injection and I slept off.

In the evening I was at home and became a joke of the family by then. They almost decided to make an annual maintenance contract with  causality wards of all hospitals.

Anyway when I pinged my best friend saying what had happened, he called me back and declared.

"Your center of gravity is wrongly places and so you fall every now and then."

My dad at the reason, "Such an intelligent conclusion!"

Me. :/

May 18, 2013

Titbits to tell!

I started this blog some two years before? Really? Time flies.
It stuck to me a few days before when I had no laptop in my hand to type and let things go out of my brain and heart system. I had cravings to just blog about things and my dreams. So now when I have some super shocking, nervous and excited events going on in my life, how can I stop myself to just blog something out on this creation of mirror-self.

So let me catch up with titbits happening all around me and to me as well.

Landing on the run way of my home town was fascinating. I wanted to take  that air in my body, what if it was really really really hot there at ten in the night. Seeing my super cool mom in long Kurti and jeans was over whelming. No doubt from where my spirit of keeping myself updated with fashion comes from, well I never implement is one more topic to discuss. Dad, mom and younger brother drove me  home and I was almost sleepy-drowsy and cranky. Yeah all hidden expressions to get pampered came out.

Life is smooth with a little bit nostalgia in mind after that. I always felt stressed back at Singapore that how am I going to adjust back home with so much heat and change of environment, it took a micro second to adjust. As I always say colors, emotions, feelings with million shades make India my home. I am amazed how well I said that, now.

The garden, with my dad's amazing ideas to save our siblings-plants, Mom's new collection of fabrics and books, Brother's new driving skills and fitness success- Definitely I am loving it.

Of course this blog post is a shattered mess of what I really want to say, I promise to come back as soon as possible. Letting things settle down. :)

Chalo ab chai pini hai.

May 14, 2013

She can make me cry too!

She and her mom with me were walking towards the bus stand. We had told her several times that 'Masi' needs to take a bus so she has to walk quickly. The little kiddo wanted to explore everything coming her way. May be she did not listen to us.

So we were constantly chatting. Even now when I am typing this, I am still not done with packing and I have a flight tomorrow. I am still not digesting the fact that I might not come back here. Of course I hate to say Good byes so, talks were more on my future.

The bus came and her mom gave me a hug and I suddenly wanted to say 'bye' to the kiddo. She was one of the motivation for me to stay here. How a toddler can love you is something she has taught me. Her giggling and games with me, makes me forget all my pain. Here she was in a state of shock seeing me waving bye. I looked at her mom, in fact I could not. I was entering the bus and I had realized I am going away.

The face my little kiddo made is still inside my mind. I am sure she would have forgotten the whole 'Masi is going' thing in a minute, I hope so, but I am still stuck at the moment.

I want to again play with her, hug her, make her drink water from my bottle- dhakkan fill water-style for some other billion times. I want to read books to her while she happily sits in my lap. I want to run with her on the beach and talk talk talk talk.

I never knew going away from a  little toddler will make me upset to this level. Never.

May 8, 2013

Billions of events and one elated soul

So my finale written exams are over. Hopefully they are last exams of its kind in my life, I am happy for it. Though it ended with many challenges in coming in for next one year. Be it my personal life or my professional life. So many things in my brain and heart, so apt, the title is 'Billions of events and one elated soul'!

Each of my line in this post might call for a separate post, but today I am just in a mood to state them and not explaining them.Be sure I am going to come with a new post everyday once I have my new laptop in my lap!

The biggest decision is moving- back to India. I am graduating in August and so I am hunting for a my kind of a job in India, hopefully there are better chances over there than in Singapore. The India as my finale location, was not a decision taken thinking too much. It was decided before I came here in Singapore. Just that people kept on laughing on me and they still do. My social life, emotions and self respect is much more important than struggle to get a job in Singapore , then to fight for a work permit and live a lonely life here for those thirty thousand INR more each month. Yeah Singapore has almost halved the recruitment of foreigners on e-pass. As they say now, 'Singapore is for Singaporeans'!

A break is what I need. A break from text books and a break from the current atmospheric conditions.  Check list of my  education is over and now the wishlist of my life is what I am preparing. Learning calligraphy, pottery, making a portfolio or even say, roaming around places and clicking photos. Lots to do and I know this time will never ever come back. Better I take the so called break and give my life the acceleration.

What I want to do in my life.? A lot of things. Professionally and personally. Undefined and some defined goals. Calls for a bigger post. A spark of doing something unique and non traditional yet routed to culture is not going to be easy, right?

Relations. A roller coaster life. I am 25 and that is making things really messy. My mother has a big list of her-dreams-about-me and I have a bigger list on please-let-me-live-my-life. She is right at her place, I am rebellious on my place. A bond of friendship is turning into a James Bond movie brand fighting. She is dreaming of a handsome, smart, educated, gulp, a guy from my caste and I am, well not dreaming about anything.My dad is trying to balance.

And last but may be the first. Getting a laptop which I can throw away in two years. Yeah that's the life they can enjoy when with me.

May 1, 2013

Putting things together.

Life has become  a game of puzzles. You have a bigger picture, you have a dream but there are some pieces of results-emotions not attached to each other. You have to connect those corners-sharp and not so sharp with each other, you have to pick the perfect piece and make your dream come true. That is what my life is , as of now.

There are many things to update. With my broken and semi functional laptop,exams-irritations around the corner it is becoming really difficult to blog even when I open the screen to type things out. There are some trillions of emotions fighting with each other in my mind and with my own people around me sometimes I feel alone- not because no body is supporting me, may be physical distance is taking its toll. Thinking about an India trip very soon. I am done with Singapore- that is one of the biggest emotions taking shape in my heart.

Just a few hours before an exam which is more of a story telling and a day before the most difficult and hopefully the last so out of the window subject of my academic life , I am blogging things out, yeah just like blabbering emotions out. As I know the morning dullness which was generally a spark before, will just disappear with a new post on the blog.

Things are complex and I am leaving to time as of now. I don't have energy to fight, cry or crib as of now.

Things will iron out themselves- as it was put by a friend of mine. Amen.