Super pre-wedding Blues-1

Why Super? As it is too early to feel those moments - Feelings which are blue. Yet, I am having some. I thought why not to start a series, may be in future I might just have fun reading it or I can inspire other would be brides to tackle better than me!

• So when I say my would be is studying in The Indian School Of Business, Hyderabad, people give expressions as if I am going to marry a man who is almost an Einstein-kind-of-a-guy. They tell me I am super fortunate and so on. Little less they know, I am going to request the ISB management to give away all would-be-partners of students studying, certificates for cultivating patience (even in hyper persons like me-as little as a few micro grams!), managing odd timings and controlling frustration ( in Nano-grams, if it exists).
• I have not digested the fact that I am getting married next year because of two reasons. My relatives are over enthusiastic and come up with 89789759 kinds of plans for my wedding. I feel I am still single. ( May be it is a good feeling!) The pressure gap between two facts creates sucking vacuum in my mind heart.
• I am rebellious. My parents think I am rebellious now, in my teens I was not. I feel I was always rebellious , just could not voice my voice. Now I do it once I feel saturated. The situation is not easy to handle. I am yet to digest the fact that, I have to leave my identity, my parents, my family, almost a part of my soul after the marriage. I know I am exaggerating but some where it is true. I am not being forced by even a single member of his family for anything, but at the end of the day, the truth remains same. I feel ( just like a teenager) that if you are a guy, you are lucky. You will carry your identity with yourself all your life. Taking responsibility of some one is not super tough unlike watching your parents loosing rights over you against a man, who might/ might not rank you first on priority. These thoughts are instantaneous and I am sure I am going to laugh at this. For now, it is painful.
• I feel , even when I am mentally prepared for marriage, I am not feeling like I am engaged. That doesn't mean I don't love my would be!! I share a relations which is very special with him , a relation of being the best friends now. The only shock my friends have is, why am I not already dreaming about my wedding. Because, I do not want to expect anything from any one. I also do not know the difference between planning, dreams and day dreams. Heart breaking pain is something I am afraid of, even if it is as small as loosing an ear ring gifted by some one special. Yeah, I am not so strong. At least now.
• If he is going to read this, he might thunk his head on the wall for getting engaged to a very emotional and complex personality. I just want to raise my collars and say, "Your choice!"